An Overdose Of Firewhiskey
by ooosk
Summary: Nymphadora Tonks claims she is related to Kreacher. Remus Lupin blames it on the firewhiskey. Rated M for Mary Sue.


**Disclaimer:** _This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended._

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A break from cleaning at Grimmauld Place was extremely rare, but Remus Lupin was determined to take full advantage of it. While Molly Weasley was attempting to scream at Mundungus over Mrs. Black's shrieks of: _"Blood traitors, mudbloods, vile creatures…" _Remus was rereading _Hairy Snout, Human Heart_ and at the same time trying to avoid Sirius's aimless kicks under the table to get his attention. For the past five minutes, his fellow marauder had been sighing loudly and not uncharacteristically melodramatically, but he had yet to get a decent response from Remus. Abandoning his earlier quest for attention from his friend, Sirius attempted to get up haughtily, only to trip on one of the chair legs. Ignoring Remus's stifled chuckle of amusement, he stalked out of the dining room, a scowl etched upon his once-handsome features.

The residential lycanthrope only received a mere five minutes of usually unattainable quiet, until he was disturbed with a rather curious creature stumbling into the dining room. With a closer look, Remus realized he was looking at Nymphadora Tonks, who looked…rather blonde…and blue-eyed. As much as he regretted thinking it, Remus had to admit that Tonks's nearly white hair, (which was down to her knees) rather resembled Lucius Malfoy's._ "Err, Tonks-"_he began, but was cut short by the metamorphmagus's wail of dismay.

_"Remus, how could you not remember me? Me! Blair Ashley Katie Serena Dumbledore Grindelwald."_

_"Dumbledore…Grindelwald?"_ Remus asked, looking up at Tonks bewildered, and trying to take in her rather luminous appearance.

'Tonks' sighed theatrically, and explained, while pushing back one of her blonde blinding ocks:_ "Remus. It's alright if you're not comfortable with my father's relationship with Waldo. But, I just want you to know that true love can be found in the most unlikely places. You never know, when someone steals your heart."_

Remus stood up very slowly from his seat and took a careful step back, while Tonks took a quivering breath, wiped a single tear away from her nearly flawless countenance, and continued:_ "You're just like everyone else, aren't you? You don't understand what being different is like, do you?"_

Remus practically choked on his own tongue as he heard this. Him, not knowing what being different felt like? Ha! Something was definitely wrong with Tonks today.

Suddenly, Grindelwald's supposed daughter threw her arms up over her head and declared:_ "But I know what it is like being rejected because of your abilities and differences. No one at Hogwarts accepted me, even though I was in a different house each year. Just because I can speak to phoenixes, and control the elements, and am part unicorn, and part elf-"_

At this, Remus couldn't control himself and exclaimed: _"Part elf?"_

_"Of course,"_ Tonks' continued, looking as though proclaiming that one was part elf was a normal part of one's schedule_, "Kreacher is a distant relative. My family is rather large, and that's not even including Uncle Voldy and Great-great Granddaddy Merlin"_

Remus stood listening to Tonks's rather emotional speech, agape, and began to rub his temples gently, trying to comprehend what had just happened. Decisively, he concluded from Tonks's flowing turquoise-studded robes, her knee-length blonde hair, and unnaturally large blue eyes, as well as her claims to being Dumbledore's love child and Voldemort's niece, that he must have had too much firewhiskey last night.

He still couldn't see the resemblance between her and Kreacher though.

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**Author's Note:** As you can see, I adore Mary-Sue's.


End file.
